It's funny to me how I'll be chewing on an idea all week and at the end of the week, I can finally grasp, through life, the spirit, and leaders of the church, the meaning of the life lesson I was supposed to get.
I ended last week with fear, a little anger, and was way down. Georgia had a hard weekend she was throwing up, not handling a full feeding without discomfort. I was so scared that she had another hetail hernia and her stomach had slipped into her esophagus again. I made a choice to pray to help aleviate those fears and help me to accept it if that were the case.
I had suggested to GI that her ballon button that holds her feeding tube into place had gone bad. She's had so many problems with those balloons. Anyway, they shrugged that suggestion off as impossible. Thursday when the home nurse comes I ask her to help change the button. The button was torn to threads. I have a theory that because Georgia's stomach is so small, it starts to try to digest the buttons. We changed to a different brand this time, hopefully it solves the problem. If not im going to ask for a non balloon feeding device.
Anyway, as a worrier I noticed the steps I took this week on learning to trust and accept instead of agonizing over what I can't change. I'm realizing happiness is a choice. I used to hate when people said that. I would think, how can I just turn the switch in sad or hard times and be happy?!?! Im realizing it's actually a series of choices we make moment by moment, day by day to make the right choice. Play Legos with the boys instead of checking facebook, make lunch for the husband instead of running and painting your toenails while the babies asleep, be nice to someone when you really want to be mean and angry. Haha! Seriously, those little and big decisions you make throughout your day and life will determine your happiness for years to come.
So as I'm chewing on this I get to watch conference this weekend and president uchdorf gives a talk exactly about this, which I will post when it becomes available. So there is my theory, I want to keep striving to be a more happy person, even during the hard times. President uchdorf says, enjoy the journey, don't wait for that ideal circumstance to come along that will finally make you happy. Man, am I ever guilty of that! If only this would happen I'd be happier. I need to just make those choices that I know will lead to happiness in this life and the next and hopefully I can achieve ultimate happiness!
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